So I decided not to take a laptop, check email on my phone or go online at all from the 20th to the 23rd! And it was glorious.

More detail will follow shortly, once I have caught up on some much needed sleep.

25/03/2010

Luca’s welcoming party

 

I have learnt the hard way, the hard way being that I grow to love children and then end up losing them, that being gay more often than not makes you unsuitable to be close to other people’s children, even your niece and nephew.

 

After years of repeating the same stupid mistake of hoping parents won’t see you as contagious, you eventually learn to keep your distance, to not grow attached to a child and to ignore them if they want attention.

 

So when our dear friends Tilla and Kimon flew us to Cape Town to attend their son’s welcoming ceremony and even asked me to say something addressed to him, I was left a little shell-shocked. The gesture was grand, my wrecked heart scared.

 

On the plane I jotted down a few notes. At the Kirstenbosch Gardens, with the Cape Philharmonic Orchestra in the background, I finished the piece.

 

Under a tree in Bishopscourt, on a slightly cloudy Cape Town day, we all stood around the proud parents and the bouncing baby boy. My nerves held out and I managed to read the piece without stuttering. There was laughter at my jokes, even some applause, a nod from the grandfather and a ‘fantastic’ from the grandmother.

 

But still the fear is there. I suppose I need to let go of it at some stage.